30 Seconds With The Squirrel

I happened to find renowned mapper Andrew Weldon hovering in a pit on ICQ, and bombarded him with nonsensical questions before he could escape. Enjoy the insanity.

KungFuSquirrel: You still wanting to do that feature for Snark Pit? :X

HLGaming.com: Nah, you've been interviewed too many times..

KungFuSquirrel: meh

KungFuSquirrel: /me shrugs

KungFuSquirrel: not a problem if you ask innovative funky questions. :)

HLGaming.com: Funky questions.. hmm

KungFuSquirrel: I'm sure you of all people could put a unique twist on most things. ;)

KungFuSquirrel: hehe

HLGaming.com: *thinks*

What is the most disgusting thing that has happened to you while drunk/pumped with adrenaline/mapping?

KungFuSquirrel: well, I don't drink, so that rules that out.

HLGaming.com: Thats why I gave a choice.

KungFuSquirrel: ah

HLGaming.com: I ARE CLEVER

KungFuSquirrel: well, one day this summer (night, actually, it was about 1:00 am), I was just working on one of my projects... Eclipse, I think... I'd had some swelling behind my left ear, and I was kinda poking around back behind my ear when the skin broke and this really disgusting fluid started slowly draining out on my hand. Turned out a stitch abcess from a previous surgical procedure had formed and I put just enough pressure on it to break it out through the skin behind my ear.

KungFuSquirrel: Then when I had that looked at, the ear doctor found that new cholosteatoma, which was then removed by another surgical procedure about a month later.

KungFuSquirrel: My left ear has such a happy history.

HLGaming.com: Thanks for sharing that, although I did ask...
If you could have one physical deformity, what would it be?

KungFuSquirrel: I think I'd want four arms. Except the second pair would have to be flipped across my body... a left arm on the right and a right on the left

KungFuSquirrel: I could set up two computers next to each other and work on two maps at once. :D The flipped arms would make each side function like a pair of normal arms.

HLGaming.com: Nice.
What would be your solution to the global cheating epidemic?

KungFuSquirrel: Ninja death squads ship in every box. Sure it'd add immensely to the packaging costs, shipping weight, box size, and retail food budget (you can't have these people dying and rotting on store shelves you know, especially inside small cardboard boxes), but isn't that worth the eventual goal of no more cheating?

HLGaming.com: Very true. What is your favourite onomatpoeic word?

KungFuSquirrel: Besides, if you weren't a cheater, I'm sure you could use them for all sorts of neat tricks, like tossing cheese at them and having them slice it mid-air and knock it right back on your crackers. I bet they could do that.

HLGaming.com: And double as a personal escort.

KungFuSquirrel: oh, indeed.

HLGaming.com: Don't mess with me, I carry ninjas.

KungFuSquirrel: most useful when the screaming teenie-bopper mapper groupies come running, of course.

HLGaming.com: Mapper groupies. I'll add that to my list of strange word combinations.

KungFuSquirrel: Except when they slice them into neat little piles of teenie-bopper mapper groupie chips. That's kinda gross.

HLGaming.com: That's what goes into pies.

HLGaming.com: Mapper groupie chunks.

KungFuSquirrel: Really? I'll never eat pie again...

HLGaming.com: In pie factories, they apparently have suction vents all along the floor, that suck any trash up and add it to the pie. Rats (or squirrels) are a speciality. Taste that fur!

KungFuSquirrel: Umm... I feel threatened.

HLGaming.com: I also avoid sausages. Wanna hear what goes into them? >:)

KungFuSquirrel: Not again.

HLGaming.com: Offal. Lots of offal.

KungFuSquirrel: Anyway. Onomatopoeias.

HLGaming.com: Yes. Your favourite?

KungFuSquirrel: I think I must say 'bnag.' And yes, I mean 'bnag.' Don't ask.

HLGaming.com: Bnag. Right. That's almost unpronounceable. How can that be onomatopoeic?

KungFuSquirrel: Well, perhaps the sound it represents is unpronounceable as well? huh-ho! Squirrel 1, strange person 0!

HLGaming.com: A sound isn't pronounced. A word is. Therefore the sound cannot be represented by an onomatopoeic word. 1 all, Strange Squirrel!

KungFuSquirrel: Bah. You know what I mean, jerk.

HLGaming.com: I've been insulted by Andrew Weldon! My life goal is fulfilled!

KungFuSquirrel: Bah, I insult myself plenty. Not that big a deal.

HLGaming.com: Yes, you do seem very self-deprecating in both your forum posts and your articles. Any explanation for that?

HLGaming.com: *wince*

KungFuSquirrel: Eh, I just take out my inherent and bitter hate for everyone and everything on myself.

HLGaming.com: Isn't that self-destructive?

KungFuSquirrel: Well, yes, and I'm sure in the long run I'll just end up collapsing into a life of drugs and death. But hey, it's fun right now!

HLGaming.com: Drugs, death, and maps.

KungFuSquirrel: nah, by then I'll have sold all my maps to support the drugs.

HLGaming.com: You mean like...

HLGaming.com: The Recent Scandal?

KungFuSquirrel: Why no. Of course not.

HLGaming.com: How would it be different?

KungFuSquirrel: Because... hey, look over there!

KungFuSquirrel: /me points

KungFuSquirrel went offline.